No Spoon vs More Cowbell

Triple Crown: Egypt, Israel, Nepal

I am heading out tomorrow for Nepal for some Himalayan Trekking and Buddhist temples. But, where did this come from, and where am I going.? Some thoughts and stories of my history and future.

“The path to enlightenment is as sharp and narrow as a razors edge.”

Quote from movie but based on the saying in the Kasha-Upanishads, “The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard.”

In 1984, One of my favorite 2 movies came out in a new modern version of W Somerset Maugh’s “The Razor’s Edge” starring Bill Murray as the dramatic lead. One analyst wrote, “Larry Darrell (Murray) is the type of character that gets a reader in alot of trouble if that reader comes in contact with Somerset Maugham’s novel ‘The Razor’s Edge’ at the wrong time. Maugh’s hero is one of those romantic figures of literature that we all want to think really exists out there in the real world, but probably doesnt and if he did, would almost assuredly be a dissappointment if ever met.”

I was 16. To know me is to understand this movie, for a large part of me fell for sexton describes as, “the powerful lure of Larry Darrell’s rejection of conforming to the soul-sucking expectations of society”. Larry rejects the societal ‘steps of wealth to success model’ and takes an uncertain path of knowledge toward understanding, meaning, and answers. An Abatement of arrogance and unification with the Universal. Hola!!! Such became my quest.

My stepfather and mother had money. Should I say, they earned their success by the accumulation of money and possessions. The family business was one of manufacturing and fabrication. Production for a price. Such is life, most say. This allowed the buying of a new house biennially and the swapping of the sofa with the seasons. Goodwill was the benefiter of mom’s benevolence. I was “next in line.” Groomed to take over the business as Victor took over for his father. Victor eventually made millionaires of everyone of his family that came to work for him. My brother took my coveted 1st born spot and retired at the age of 40. One sister is on the perpetual academic plan on dad’s collegiate endowment. Finishnig her Masters degree. The other sister is a wonderful artist. At age 17 I rejected the path of monetary wealth and set out west eventually settling in Montana. Reading books of Jung, books of Zen, cosmic consciousness, mythology by Joseph Campbell, scriptures of the ancients, stories of aborigines, and native folklore. I became a laboratory professional and devoted 30 years to others in healthcare. I spent my time with people at their worst: sickness, death, birth, aging and loneliness. I was reaching out to connect with people and to fine some “worth” for my life. I learned that all of us are flawed and fragile. I chose this path at the sacrifice of the financial. The only home I ever owned was a singlewide trailer on an Indian reservation. I raised a family and watched my children grow to adulthood. I have had many grand adventures. A great life. But for me at 17…it was a huge blind jump of faith that answers existed for the questions of a greater meaning. I headed west…but first stop was Egypt!

As a young adventurer, I can think of no greater triple crown than Egypt, Israel, and Nepal. Yes there are places like Australia and the Alps that I will go, but the physical journey to iconic sites holding spiritual and historical significance is more than symbolic. Truly educational, it is knowledge gained by experience that far outweighs the textual. A pilgrimage has a deeper meaning to the soul beyond a “vacation”.

Egypt: Land of pharohs, mysterious hieroglyphs, worship of the sun and sky, gods of men-giants-aliens?, mathematics, astronomy, energy. Wow! Just some of the words that come to mind.

Israel: The current holder and preserver of “The Holy Land” and the historic sites of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

Himalayas (Nepal): The birthplace and practitioners of Buddhism and Hinduism.

As rough approximates for contextual timeframes, we are talking Israel 2-3000 years old, Egypt 4-5000 years old, and Nepal region 8000 years ago. Historians and bible scholars dont hang me

Egypt

“Give me your money. All of it!”

A rendezvous at 3am in the Egyptian desert was full of surprises. 2 guards with Uzis among them.

“Give me your money. All of it!” In the darkness I would hear this several times in my life. What happened next was always unforseen. This time wasn’t a gang of 4 knife wielding mexicans stealing my backpack, or a wife on a spending spree. This time it was in the darkness of the desert; a drive out to the sands of Egypt at 3 am. Me in the backseat wondering where the Egyptologist I had followed went, after being woken to “wanna go on an adventure? Dont ask questions, let’s go.” The American Archeologist I was with didn’t speak, so neither did I. Reappearing from total darknesshe leaned into the back seat and demanded urgently my money. There was urgency “not to be messed with” . in his voice. I gave him all my Egyptian currency probably equal to 15 – 250 US dollars . I wasn’t sure. A quick trip into the darkness again and back and my trusted guide said, “Hurry. At sunrise they will yell angrily, but don’t worry.” Walking away from the safety of the car we passed the two Egyptian guards with Uzi machine guns and approached 4 foot stone blocks. We were at the Pyramids in Giza at the base of The Great Pyramid of Khufu. “Climb and keep climbing” I was told in that same “not to be messed with voice”.

I saw the sun rise from sitting atop the Great Pyramid and looking across the clouds to the tip of the slightly smaller pyramid of Khafre with its famous casing stones still entact-ish on the top third. My picture was in the Milwaukee Public Museum Egyptian exhibit created by the American archeologist Carter Lupton. My cheap camera photos above.

Israel

I gave them “all my money. all of it”. My life savings and retirement fund. They only asked for $25. Twentyeight years after Egypt, Obama was in the White House. Its no secret that Israel felt betrayed by the American Government. Thousands of rockets from Gaza rained down on small villages like Siderot and “the knife infitada” began. The rockets were paid for with money given to the Palestinian Hamas and it’s big brother Iran by Obama. U.S tax dollars used to kill Jews. During an episode of the 700 club they asked for 25 dollars to help Israel. I had the phone in my hand but put it down, quit my job, sold my van, cashed out my retirement fund and went to help the Israeli Military. When not on base, I visited the holy sites, had an Orthodox Seder meal (on Passover), walked the Way of the Cross procession on Good friday, had an Easter candlelight vigil in a stone church in old Jerusalem, visited The Tomb, and camped on the salt beds of the Dead Sea climbing to the plateau of Masada for sunrise. I grew up Christian and attended Catholic school. I believe I was called to help defend this land. I didnt know if I’d come home. I was ready for whatever happened. Luckily my volunteer service was as a civilian and only a month. I returned safely but was penniless and unemployed. I had brought the History and faith I had only read about my whole life to a real present. An involved and dedicated one for which I again literally gave “all my money.”

Nepal

Six years after Israel to the Present day. When my youngest son turned 18 I felt free to start a new phase of life. I sold my home( the single wide trailer on the rez in Montana) and again quit my job. I never reinvested into a retirement fund so all I had was the 20thousand from selling my lot and trailer and paying off debt to become “debt free”. I fished, went to the Utah desert, visited old friends and new, visited family. Tomorrow I will again be unemployed and homeless after saving enough for a plane tix and guide. I give “all my money” for the continued search for meaning in life, for knowledge by experience, for a faith journey that answers to life’s deep questions do exist. I now give all my money and security for the last of the spiritual trifecta of adventures…The Himalayas of Nepal ! This journey is not just a challenge and scenery. It is a inner journey as well that will continue into Appalachia. I start with questions already. The biggest is: On a search for this meaning and connection, and place in the cosmic scene, Do I become MORE me or Less me. Do I bend the spoon of reality or Bang my freaky cowbell. Same universal questions. Who am I and what’s my purpose here.

Layers on an Eggshell

“I see your “bubble” as an eggshell of the self. That has been glazed over with many layers of opacity put on by those that have defined us. Religion, school, parents, spouse, profession all add their glaze onto the outside of what was me. At the same time my defenses add layers of cement to the inside as protection. To get back to more ME, the outside and inside layers must first be chipped away, dissolved, resolved, but in any case, rejected as not me. Only then may the porcelain be layered in transparency to let the beauty of the self shine and be shared.” -Benny

Benny mixes in pottery metaphors with his layered egg description of becoming more himself by first removing layers externally and internally. Then rebuilding in transparency.

I have never felt I had to “go back” to erase damage done. I played guitar in a band and viewed the good and bad in my life as different notes on the same fretboard. If you hit a bad cord, you “Dont stop. Keep playing!” In a way, Benny and me were (partly) saying the same thing…”To strip away layers”, but the difference is, I feel no desire to go back fix dissonant notes much less relive the events of trauma in my mind. Play on I say.

Philosophy versus Self-help

I read somewhere that Self-help is like medicine and philosophy is like healthy living. What is rich and rewarding, our duty to others, the meaning of life…this is philosophy. Quitting smoking, overcoming a breakup, how to ask your boss for a raise…that is self-help. And for me, The “no Spoon” represents a philosophy, and “how to let your cowbell be heard” is self help.

“Self Help makes us more fragile while philosophy makes us Anti-fragile”

phrase by Nassim Taleb

Self-help focuses on the self. It has you as a subjective frame of reference at its end. Philosophy sees the self as a starting point bridge to objective concepts and values. Self help may make you more rigid and less open to different views of the good life because you think you have found the right answer for everyone. Philosophy however can make you more open to different views and outward looking.

Atman, Brahman, and Buddha..OhMY

Quickly, because ya’ll might get bored of reading this. Atman is the Hindu idea of a soul lets say, and Brahman is God, lets just say. Some but not all sects of Hinduism believe that Brahman is in your Atman. We worship the God in you by the greeting “Namaste”. Some say that you are totally made up of illusion of self and are really an interplay of energies among all things encountered. Atman is really a drop in the ocean and when you release your drop into the ocean (burst your bubble) you see that you ARE the ocean. Some sects of Hinduism believe this “oneness” on an eternal basis is not possible for most people (or really really) difficult and it seems that some kind of “dead end” is there and leaves alot of people hanging and in an endless cycle of suffering. Buddhism kinda takes off from there and allows for anyone to attain “enlightenment” and “Buddhahood” and Nirvana. Buddhism comes from Hinduism and takes off where Hinduism dead ends , if you ask me. Gautama Buddha is comparable to Jesus taking off from the Old Testament and many books have been written on that. I particularly identify with Mahayana Buddhism whos ultimate goal is to obtain Buddhahood (enlightenment) for everyone! to aid in this goal there are several enlightened folks who have “qualified” for Buddhahood but forgo the entrance to Nirvana to help other people on this plane of existence. These great beings are called Bodhisattvas. My favorite is Manjushri.

Tattoo Time

“Manjushri wields the flaming sword that cuts through bullshit. ok technically it cuts through ‘self/other dualism’ which, lets be honest, is the cause of most of people’s struggles.”

This is Manchego’s opinion, but hey, maybe its me and not you. lol

So here is a FUN fact just because from “learnreligions.com”.

“Manjushri’s most dynamic attribute is his sword, the Vajra sword of discriminating wisdom or insight. The sword cuts through ignorance and the entanglements of conceptual views. It cuts away ego and self-created obstacles”, by Judy Lief in ‘The Sharp Sword of Prajna’ “.

So , yeah, I think I am going to get that tattoo with Everest in the background. But let’s get back on point. How to bring any of this back to “the real world”.

“It is easy to be a holy man on the top of a mountain.”

The Razor’s Edge, as Larry leaves the Buddhist monastery in the Himalayas to go back to the city.

A pivotal scene in The Razor’s Edge was when Larry leaves the monastery in the Himalayas. It visually displays what one of my favorite (but wordy) books from Jack Kornfield states from a Zen Master. ” Enlightenment is only the beginning, is only a step in the journey. You can’t cling to that as a new identity or you’re in immediate trouble. You have to get back down into the messy business of life, to engage with life for years afterward. Only then can you integrate what you have learned. Only then can you learn perfect trust.”

So, I think for now I can reconcile the “No Spoon vs More Cowbell” by posing these questions: Are you able to find your own sound and still play in the orchestra? Are you able to find universal peace but walk out of the monastery?

We shall see.